رابطه دختر و پسر

 

هر پسر و دختری که پا به دوران جوانی می‏گذارد، بزرگترین آرزویش ازدواج و ایجاد کانون گرم و پر مهر خانواده است، تا یار و مونس و محرم راز پیدا کند و از نعمت زندگی مشترک زناشویی، استقلال و آزادی بیشتری بهره‏مند گردد. پسران و دختران جوان سعادت خود را در سایه زندگی مشترک جستجو می‏کنند. چنین میلی بطور طبیعی و فطری در انسانها وجود دارد و نمی‏توان از آن صرف نظر کرد.

 

اما ازدواج مراحلی دارد که اولین جلسۀ خواستگاری یکی از آنهاست.در صورتی که قصد دارید به خواستگاری بروید به این نکات توجه داشته باشید.اما پیش از آن به این سخنان پیامبر(ص) توجه کنید که فرمودند: “هر که با زنی به خاطر مالش ازدواج کند، خداوند او را به مال وی واگذار می‏کند، و هر که با او به خاطر جمال و زیبائی‏اش ازدواج نماید، در او چیزی را که خوشایند او نیست، خواهد دید، و هر که با وی به خاطر دینش ازدواج کند، خداوند تمامی این مزایا را برای او جمع می‏کند.”.

 

پسرها به خواستگاری بروند

“به عقیده ویلیام جیمز فیلسوف معروف امریکایی،حیا و خودداری ظریفانه زن‏غریزه نیست‏بلکه دختران حوا در طول تاریخ دریافتند که عزت و احترامشان به این‏است که به دنبال مردان نروند،خود را مبتذل نکنند و از دسترس مرد خود را دور نگه‏ دارند؛ زنان این درسها را در طول تاریخ دریافتند و به دختران خود یاد دادند و اختصاص به جنس بشر ندارد، حیوانات دیگر نیز همین طورند؛ همواره این‏ مأموریت‏ به جنس نر داده شده است که خود را دلباخته و نیازمند به جنس ماده نشان ‏بدهد. مأموریتی که به جنس ماده داده شده این است که با پرداختن به زیبایی و لطف و با خودداری و استغناء ظریفانه، دل جنس خشن را هرچه بیشتر شکار کند و او را از مجرای حساس قلب خودش و به اراده و اختیار خودش در خدمت‏ خود بگمارد.

خلاف احترام زن است که به دنبال مرد بدود. برای مرد قابل تحمل است‏که از زنی خواستگاری کند و جواب رد بشنود و آنگاه از زن دیگری خواستگاری کند و جواب رد بشنود تا بالاخره زنی رضایت ‏خود را به همسری با او اعلام کند، اما برای‏زن که می‏خواهد محبوب و معشوق و مورد پرستش باشد و از قلب مرد سر درآورد تا بر سراسر وجود او حکومت کند، قابل تحمل و موافق غریزه نیست که مردی را به ‏همسری خود دعوت کند و احیاناً جواب رد بشنود و سراغ مرد دیگری برود.”

ظاهر آراسته مهم است

زمانی که به خواستگاری میروید و یا از شما خواستگاری میشود، زیباترین لباسهایتان را به تن کنید و پوششی شیک و مناسب داشته باشید. اولین دیدارها همیشه در اذهان باقی میمانند. عدهای با لباسهای نامناسب و نه چندان تمیز به خواستگاری میروند و تصورشان این است که این شخص باید وضعیت زندگی مرا بداند در صورتی که این وضعیت خاطره خوشی به جا نمیگذارد. در تمام طول مراسم خواستگاری متانت و وقار باید از ناحیه هر دو خانواده مراعات شود و رفتارهای نامناسب ذهنیتهای بدی را رقم میزنند.

صداقت داشته باشید

هنگام صحبت کردن فرد مورد نظرتان، سراپا گوش باشید، و دقت لازم را به عمل آورید تا مطالب گفته شده را بهتر بتوانید به خاطر بسپارید و هنگامی که خودتان صحبت می کنید نیز سعی کنید، سنجیده حرف بزنید. پس از این که از گذشته و شرح حال فرد مقابل مطلع شدید می توانید دیدگاهش را راجع به مذهب سؤال کنید.در هنگام صحبت کردن با فرد مورد نظر در اولین جلسه بنا را بر صداقت و یکرنگی بگذارید و متعهد شوید که آنچه می گوئید کاملاً از سر صدق و صفا باشد و به این تعهد خود نیز پای بند شوید.

خواستگاری، محرمانه باشد

مراسم خواستگاری اولیه، در حد ممکن، باید خصوصی و محرمانه باشد؛ بدین معنی که غیر از دو خانوادة پسر و دختر، افراد دیگری، نباید از موضوع خواستگاری مطلع شوند و به قول معروف، بهتر است از ابتدا قضیة خواستگاری را جار نزنند و بر سر زبانها نیندازند؛ تا اگر – به هر دلیلی – توافقی حاصل نشد، یا طرفین همدیگر را نپسندیدند و ازدواج پا نگرفت، افراد به گمانه زدنهای بیمورد و بیدلیل نپردازند؛ زیرا گاهی با مطرح شدن احتمالات بیاساس و غیرواقعی و تهمت زدنهای مختلف، زمینة کاهش اعتبار فردی و خانوادگی یکی از دو طرف به وجود میآید و باعث لطمه زدن به آبروی اجتماعی افراد و خانواده ها میشود؛ مثلاً میگویند: لابد در دختر یا پسر عیبی بوده که او را نپسندیدهاند و ازدواج سر نگرفته است و با تبدیل کردن کاه به کوه و بزرگنمایی موضوعی فرعی آینده یکی از دو طرف را خراب میکنند و چه بسا شایعهسازیهای دیگری را به دنبال داشته باشد و زمینة توافقهای موارد بعدی را نیز از بین ببرد و به طور کلی، به اعتبار و آبروی حداقل یکی از دو خانواده، لطمه وارد میشود.هنگام خواستگاری فقط پدر و مادر و پسر با هم بروند ( یا جایگزین پدر و مادر و قیم پسر اینکار را در غیاب والدین انجام می دهند.)

شتابزده نباشید

دخترباید آرام و با طمأنینه راه برود و آرام صحبت کند و مقدار کم میوه یا شیرینی بخورد و تعجیلی نداشته باشد. عجله عروس و خانواده اش علامت علاقه به راحت شدن از وضع فعلی و صورت گرفتن ازدواج است و علامت بسیار بدی است و داماد سالم در همین جا می تواند رابطه را قطع کند!

اولین دیدار معمولاً رسمی است. بایستی اولین دیدار را با توفیق و دقت بیشتری پشت سر گذاشت.

در جلسه اول خواستگاری درباره ی عقد، مهریه، مسائل اقتصادی و مادی هیچ صحبتی نمی شود و بسیار خوب است که محیط صمیمی باشد البته این بدان معنا نیست که با گذاشتن موزیک سعی در شاد جلوه دادن خودتان داشته باشید.بلکه جلسه در آرامش برگزار شود بهتر است.زمان جلسه اول بیشتر از یک ساعت نباید طول بکشد.

بعد از یک هفته خانوادۀ دختر میبایست تلفنی به خانواده پسر اطلاع دهند. اگر جواب مثبت باشد که قرار بعدی برای صحبتهای بیشتر گذاشته می شود .در غیر این صورت زیاد اصرار نکنید. البته کمی اصرار ارزشش را دارد ولی ازحد که بگذرد از نظر روحی تاثیر بدی به همراه خواهد داشت.

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