40 نکته برای داشتن رابطه‌ای عاشقانه

 

پدیدار شدن مهر و محبت افزون‏تر، معلول یک سرى عوامل است که بعضى از آنها در دست همسر و برخى در اختیار زوج است. آنچه که در اختیار زن است، احترام و اهمیت دادن به شوهر، مهیا کردن محیط خانه براى او، همراهى با او در امور مختلف، پرهیز از بحث و مجادله‏ هاى بى‏ نتیجه، توجه به خواسته‏ هاى جنسى شوهر، صداقت و امانت و فداکارى و گذشت، از جمله امورى است که مراعات آن از جانب زن، می ‏تواند در جلب محبت شوهر مؤثر باشد.

اسلام به منظور ایجاد علاقه و محبت بیشتر میان دو همسر، به همتایى و کفو بودن آنها سفارش کرده است. در واقع می ‏توان گفت: مرد و زن اگر از نظر شرایط اعتقادى و اقتصادى، نزدیک به هم باشند و براساس صداقت و حسن اعتماد به یکدیگر، زندگى خود را آغاز کنند و در طول زندگى روزمره به آن توجه کافى داشته باشند و آن را رعایت نمایند، خداوند علاقه، محبت و الفت را بین این دو همسر قرار خواهد داد. پس از انعقاد پیمان ازدواج نیز براى استحکام خانواده و استمرار آن الفت و علاقه، باید هر یک از مرد و زن به روابط میان خود توجه کافى مبذول کنند. همان طور که امام صادق (ع) توصیه‏ هاى زیر را به هر یک از زن و شوهر ارائه فرموده ‏اند(1) مرد در پیوند میان خود و همسرش از سه چیز بى نیاز نیست:

  1. همدلى با زن تا از این راه محبت و دلبستگى زن را به خود جلب کند.

  2. حسن خلق و متوجه کردن دل زن به سوى خویش با قیافه اى که در چشم زن خوشایند باشد.

  3. توسعه دادن در معیشت همسر.

زن هم در ارتباط میان خود و همسر همدلش از سه خصلت بى‏نیاز نیست:

  1. خویشتن‌دارى از هر آلودگى تا دل شوهر در اعتماد به وى در هر خوش و ناخوش مطمئن باشد.

  2. مراقب حال شوهر بودن تا اگر لغزشى از او سر زد، شوهر با او مهربان باشد.

  3. اظهار عشق به شوهر با دلربایى و زیبا ساختن خویش در چشم وى.

با استفاده از روایت فوق و دستورات دیگرى که از بزرگان به ما رسیده است، می ‏توان به خوبى و به آسانى علاقه و محبت را افزایش داد.

در این رابطه چهل نکته مفید و سازنده بیان می شود تا با عمل به آنها بتوانید در دوستى و ارتباط صمیمانه با همسرتان موفق باشید.

 

راه کارهاى ایجاد محبت

  1. با مطالعه کتاب‏ هاى مربوط به انتخاب همسر، آیین همسردارى، چگونگى ایجاد ارتباط با دیگران و نیز شرکت در جلسه‏ هاى آموزش خانواده، دانش و مهارت خود را در این زمینه افزایش دهید.

  1. با همدلى، هم‏فکرى، همکارى و مشورت با یکدیگر درباره مسائل مختلف، میان اعضاى خانواده روابط سالم پدید آورید.

  1. هر یک از زوجین دیگرى را نزدیک‏ترین و محرم‏ترین فرد بداند و او را نیمه تن، حامى و پشتیبان خود تلقى کند.

  1. با یادگیرى مهارت‏هاى ارتباطى نظیر به حرف‏هاى یکدیگر گوش کردن، احترام به نظرها و عقاید یکدیگر و تشریک مساعى و مشورت کردن- روابط خود را بهبود بخشید.

  1. بکوشید، باایجاد کانونى گرم و صمیمى، تمام اعضاى خانواده- به ویژه زن و شوهر- مسؤولیت رسیدن به تفاهم را پذیرا شوند.

تا که از جانب معشوق نباشد کششى، کوشش عاشق بیچاره به جایى نرسد

  1. هنگام اختلاف نظر یا سوء تفاهم، به جاى سرزنش کردن یکدیگر یا تفسیر نادرست، به شناسایى مسأله و یافتن راه حل آن بپردازید و در صورت لزوم کمک و مشاوره افراد با تجربه و متخصص را جلب کنید.

  1. براى رسیدن به امنیت روانى و عاطفى در روابط زناشویى، داشتن صداقت، پذیرش، سعه صدر، انصاف و اعتماد متقابل را اصل اول قرار دهید.

  1. در صورت به وجود آمدن هر گونه سوء تفاهم و سوء برداشت، در نخستین فرصت ممکن به حل و فصل آن بپردازید تا به فرآیندى مخرب و پیشرونده تبدیل نشود.

  1. به هر طریق ممکن، رفتارهاى مطلوب همسرتان را مورد توجه و تأیید قرار دهید به گونه‏اى که همسرتان بفهمد برایش ارزش قائل هستید.

  1. تشویق و تأیید و بیان نکات مثبت، به طور آشکار یا در جمع باشد و تذکر نکات منفى و انتقاد، به طور محرمانه و در تنهایى صورت گیرد.

  1. براى خصوصیات و نیازمندى هاى یکدیگر، ارزش قائل شوید و در روابط کلامى، عاطفى، اقدام‏ ها و تصمیم‏گیرى ‏ها به افکار و خواسته ‏هاى همسرتان توجه کنید.

  1. اگر رفتار خاصى براى شما مبهم است، ساده ‏ترین راه این است که از همسرتان هدف و علت آن رفتار را بپرسید و با روش مسالمت‏آمیز، صمیمانه و خوش بینانه موضوع را روشن کنید.

  1. خشونت همسرتان را با خشونت پاسخ ندهید. خشونت را با سکوت پاسخ گویید و در موقعیتى مناسب درباره مسأله مورد نظر به بحث و گفت‏وگو بپردازید.

  1. بکوشید در سراسر زندگى- به خصوص در روابط بین خود و همسرتان- به جاى هر گونه پیش‏داورى یا مشاهده اشکالات و ضعف ‏ها، نقاط مثبت و قوت را ببینید به عبارت دیگر، به جاى توجه به نیمه خالى لیوان، به نیمه پر آن توجه کنید.

  1. سعى کنید در برنامه ریزى براى فعالیت ‏هاى اجتماعى، اوقات فراغت، دید و بازدیدهاى خانوادگى و نظایر آن، با یکدیگر مشورت کنید و از یک جانبه ‏نگرى بپرهیزید.

  1. در هر فرصتى که پیش مى‏آید، با همسر و اعضاى خانواده‏تان ارتباط کلامى و عاطفى برقرار کنید. شایان ذکر است زنان از صحبت کردن با همسرشان بیش‏تر لذت مى‏برند. بنابراین، مردان باید فعالانه به سخنان همسران‏شان گوش کنند و واکنش مناسب نشان دهند.

  1. اگر هر یک از زوجین در شرایط خاصى، نمى ‏تواند به سخنان همسرش گوش کند، باید صادقانه و صمیمانه این موضوع را به وى انتقال دهد و تقاضا کند صحبت کردن درباره آن موضوع را به فرصتى دیگر واگذارد.

  1. هر از چند گاهى زوجین در فضایى محرمانه، محبت‏آمیز و صمیمانه به ارزیابى رفتار و روابط یکدیگر بپردازند و از یکدیگر بپرسند، چه باید کرد تا روابطمان بهتر و بانشاطتر شود؟

  1. همیشه، در رویارویى با مسائل و مشکلات خانوادگى، خود را در وضعیت طرف مقابل قرار دهید و با قبول مسؤولیت خود و شناخت انتظارات متقابل به حل و فصل اختلافات روى آورید.

  1. در روز یا در هفته زمان مشخصى را براى گفت‌وگو درباره مسائل و مشکلات و به اصطلاح درد دل کردن با همسرتان اختصاص دهید.

  1. از داشتن نگرش ‏هاى آرمان گرایانه و شاعرانه در مسأله ازدواج و روابط زناشویى و نیز انتظارات غیر واقع بینانه اجتناب کنید.

  1. ارتباط زوجین باید از هر گونه سوء ظن و حدس نادرست وغیر واقع بینانه به دور باشد. اگر موضوع و مسأله‏اى ذهن یکى از زوجین را به خود مشغول کرده است، باید آن را به صراحت و صادقانه مطرح کند و درستى و نادرستى اش را با همسرش مورد بررسى قرار دهد.

  1. هر یک باید زمینه ‏هاى بروز سوء تفاهم ‏ها و سوء ظن‏ ها را از بین ببرد و از رفتارهایى که موجب بروز سوء تفاهم و سوء ظن مى‏شود، خوددارى کند.

  1. هر یک از زوجین باید بکوشد با روان‏شناسى همسرش آشنا شود، تا بداند او به چه امورى بها مى‏دهد و نظام ارزشى‏اش چگونه است. براى مثال معمولًا زن به وابسته بودن، کسب امنیت عاطفى و مورد حمایت واقع شدن اهمیت مى‏ دهد و مرد مى‏ خواهد مستقل و خود مختار باشد و آزادى عمل را داراى ارزش مى‏داند.

  1. زن و شوهر از مسخره کردن یکدیگر و گفتن سخنان طعنه ‏آمیز و دو پهلو جداً پرهیز کنند.

  1. از رفتارهایى نظیر متلک، تحقیر، سرزنش و به رخ کشیدن یکدیگر که موجب افزایش مقاومت ‏هاى روانى در طرف مقابل است، جداً باید پرهیز شود.

  1. در سراسر زندگى- از جمله در زندگى خانوادگى- بکوشید به نقاط مثبت، موهبت و نعمت‏ هایى که در اختیار دارید بیندیشید نه به امورى که در اختیار ندارید.

  1. از خطاهاى یکدیگر سریعاً بگذرید و خطاهاى همدیگر را تحمل کنید.

  1. با یادآورى برخى ایام- مانند روز تولد، سالگرد ازدواج و نظایر آن- و دادن هدیه ‏هایى هر چند کوچک (مثل یک شاخه گل) به طور نمادین عشق و علاقه خود را به همسرتان اعلام کنید.

  1. خود را در برابر همسرتان آراسته و پاکیزه و جالب توجه نگه دارید و از پریشانى و وضع نامرتب بپرهیزید.

  1. در انتخاب دوست و برقرارى روابط دوستانه و معاشرت‏ هاى خانوادگى با زوج‏ هاى دیگر، دقت کنید و این امور را با توافق یکدیگر انجام دهید.

  1. از هر گونه رفتارى که به مرد سالارى یا زن سالارى مى ‏انجامد، بپرهیزید.

  1. خطاى یکدیگر را در حضور دیگران، فرزاندن، آشنایان، والدین یکدیگر و بازگو نکنید.

  1. هرگز همسرتان را با زن یا مرد دیگر مقایسه نکنید.

  1. از رفتارهاى مطلوب همسرتان تشکر کرده، او را تشویق کنید و انگیزه تکرار آن رفتار را بیشتر سازید.

  1. از تصمیم‏ هاى نادرست و غیر منطقى و کلى‏ گویى‏ هاى منفى و شکل‏گیرى افکار منفى، درباره همسرتان شدیداً بپرهیزید.

  1. حتى ‏المقدور به قول‏ هایى که به همسرتان داده ‏اید، عمل کنید تا به سلب اعتماد و احساس فریب خوردگى نینجامد.

  1. از نسبت دادن القاب و زدن برچسب‏هاى ناگوار و نامطلوب- مانند بدقول، زرنگ، شلخته،

کله‏شق، یک دنده، لجباز و خودخواه- به یکدیگر پرهیز کنید.

  1. در مواردى که غمگینى و افسردگى و یا عصبانیت زن یا شوهر، شدت مى‏یابد و احتمال اختلال در کار سیستم عصبى یا غدد درون‏ریز- به ویژه غده تیروئید- وجود دارد، در نخستین فرصت به پزشک متخصص مراجعه کنید تا از عادى بودن ترشح غدد- از جمله غده تیروئید- مطمئن شوید.

  1. براى داشتن یک زندگى با نشاط و موفق خوب بیندیشید، وقت بگذارید، احساس مسؤولیت کنید، موانع ارتباط سالم را از میان بردارید و به عوامل ایجاد کننده روابط سالم توجه کنید.

تاريخ : دوشنبه بیست و یکم آذر ۱۳۹۰ | 6:56 | نویسنده : محمد علی اسماعیلی | آرشیو نظرات

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